Les Boucheries Parisiennes – 268 Toorak Rd, South Yarra,
Victoria, Australia

A french restaurant that is dedicated to (and worships), meat in all its glory. Served only at lunch, we are offered a Wagyu Beef burger consisting of apple smoked bacon, vintage cheddar, pomme frites and a side of salad. With French trained chefs, French waiters, French beer and wine, and Parisian decor, all that is left to say is… “Bon Appetit”.

“The French really have impressed us with this simple burger. With just the bare minimum of ingredients, this Wagyu beef burger makes your taste buds dance with delight thanks to its vintage aged cheese and apple smoked bacon. A perfect bun, spread with a distinctive herbed/garlic butter really shows that when it comes to burgers, the word ‘Traditional’ can really take on a different meaning.”

“A large window encourages diners to peek into the kitchen. This really shows the confidence they have in their cooking skills.. I wasn’t dissapointed. The soft and juicy beef, bacon and cheese contrasted perfectly with the crunch of the baguette style bun; a flawless combination. Amazing fries.”

“C’était magnifique. Who would have thought Les Français could nail a burger so well and so simply. One of the simplest gourmet and best value for money burgers I have had the pleasure of experiencing so far. The herb/garlic butter, medium thickness Wagyu beef pattie, and bacon (not crispy but very tasty), were all well represented and contributed beautifully to the burger. The sharpness and oozing texture of the aged cheese was the biggest stand out for me. The burger didn’t have sauce, but didn’t need it. Chips were great too.”

“Like a revolution brewing in my mouth, sharp and peppery undertones ran wild. Every bite I took, the burger bit back. However, the key conspirator in this case was an aristocratic aged cheddar. It was teamed with an excellent Wagyu beef pattie and a refined piece of bacon, lying on a baguette-like bun with a smear of intoxicating garlic butter. A burger fit for the history books.”

Embassy Cafe – 547 Spencer St, West Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Established in 1962 and open 24 hours a day, Embassy Cafe is a haven for cabbies, clubbers and shift workers.
The decor is modest; with plastic chairs, lino floor and fluro lighting. You’ll even find cigarettes for sale behind the counter.
A flashback to simpler times.

“Mmmm Bacon. It has to be said that this burger has some of the best bacon I think you could find. Probably one of the most recognised burgers on the Melbourne scene for two good reasons: it offers a no frills burger that’s made with quality ingredients, and secondly, best of all, it’s open 24 hours a day. The only down fall was the egg that was a little over cooked, and I’m not a fan of cheese not being standard on a burger with the lot.”

“Heartbroken, to say the least when I discovered “The Lot” did not come with cheese. However, the combination of the amazing bacon, perfectly cooked egg and well seasoned beef glues my heart back together. The staff interaction with regular customers, predominantly taxi and limo drivers, make for great people watching.”

“Pure late night burger joint. The burger is small and easy to bite into. It had caramelised onions, perfectly cooked bacon, fresh tomato and a thin beef pattie that was a bit conservative. Be sure to add cheese to your selection, as well as bringing your own serviettes (they’re a bit reluctant to give you too many). Perfect for a late night binge, but nothing special. Chips tasted too oily and needed salt…”

“We sounded like a broken record. Over and over again, we could not shutup about the Bacon! It was sweet, it was salty, it was exquisite! In its entirety it was an excellent and easy to eat burger.”

Greasy Joe’s Bar & Grill – 66 Acland St, St Kilda, Victoria, Australia

With a reputation for serving Melbourne oversized meals for as long as we can remember, Greasy Joe’s has been a starting point for many St Kilda locals before a big night out of live music and a few drinks. Our burger was delivered, in true St Kilda style, by an English backpacker posing as a waiter. Be sure to go on an empty stomach.

“First off, I have to point out that this is probably the most over priced burger yet. Although you do get a massive burger with an ample side of chips that most will struggle to get through. I think they could definitely improve on the quality of ingredients starting with the meat pattie, which tasted like it was originally from a supermarket freezer.”

“If you have not eaten this week, this is the burger for you. Huge burger, huge price and huge disappointment in the beef. It had barely any flavour and seemed to just take up space. The mayo was good and the Pom waiters were friendly. They also had two TVs with two different footy games running at the same time, which made up for the beef.”

“This burger really brings meaning to the saying “there’s no I in team”. Take the ingredients apart and they are as boring as doing chemistry homework on a Saturday night. Overall there was no stand out. The pattie was thick but lacked seasoning (I found it helped to add extra sauce), but the caramelised onion and cheese were good, and the bacon was extra crispy. Chips were good too).”

“The egg was fried superbly and the cheddar cheese was delicious. But the rest just didn’t stack up. The lettuce was bitter, the pattie was mediocre and the bun wasn’t exactly fresh. But somehow, to my surprise, they all joined forces to create a reasonable burger.”

Barney Allen’s – 14 Fitzroy St, St Kilda, Victoria, Australia

Part owner and celebrity chef Ian Hewitson, creates a gastro-pub that is about as casual and laid back as it gets in the Melbourne restaurant scene. With a modern take on the classic Australian hamburger, highlights include an extra large beef pattie, a tomato and onion chutney that sticks to the top bun, and a beetroot relish that makes love to the bottom bun. Treat yourself by adding french fries with spicy ketchup. These guys don’t take bookings, but head on in, and their extremely friendly staff will help you out.

“A unique burger with some unique ingredients that offers a pleasantly sweet taste. Maybe a little too sweet without a side of chips. A thick, well seasoned pattie that was cooked to perfection and oozed juicy goodness. All ingredients were well balanced, but I’d suggest a little less tomato and onion chutney and a touch more mayo.”

“An explosion of flavour from the get-go (even after removing most of both relishes). The beef has a really nice spice which balanced out the sweetness of the rest of the burger. At first I was confused to find mayo underneath the burger bun, however one of the really friendly staff informed us it was to stop the burger slipping off the plate. That is how a true burger aficionado thinks, aka Huey. I’m sure he would be devastated at the thought of a burger on the floor.”

“The burger had one of the thickest patties I have ever seen and was cooked to perfection. All ingredients were great. I especially like the chutney and the addition of the beetroot relish. However, next time I would like to try it without the beetroot. I felt that it made the burger a lot sweeter than it had to be. With the last bite staring me in the face, I had to compose myself, take a breath, and power through. Make sure you go with a good appetite. Shoe string fries were very good.”

“Tip number one… Don’t wear a white shirt unless you really like the artwork of Jackson Pollock. Tip number two… Eat the burger right above your fries. Tip three… Enjoy your fries, now covered in a sweet and zesty burger sauce.”