For more than nearly 30 years Greasy Joe’s has been one of Melbourne’s most iconic establishments, serving up it’s signature burgers and amazingly huge breakfasts. So when this Acland St icon came up for sale, Rob Gringlas jumped at the opportunity to reinvent it into something that still holds some original charm. After returning home following a stint in the UK, Gringlas wanted to bring the best of what he saw around the world to St Kilda. Losing the “Greasy” and reopening as Joe’s Bar & Dining Hall, they have undergone a huge transformation with a hip new fit-out, a casual yet refined menu and a drinks list of great cocktails, local beers and Australian wines. Paying homage to its past life, the menu still includes burgers and sliders as well as other dishes like roast pumpkin and marscapone risotto plus a decent selection of steaks. We however, went straight to the burger section of the menu and ordered their Spicy beef burger that comes with a 100% Galloway beef pattie, jalapenos, onions, double cheese, lettuce, tomato sauce, cayenne and chipotle mayo.

“I really liked the new fitout and the new menu; its a lot more grown up and appropriate for the area. The burger was really well presented, however it came open and I like my burger already stacked because I’m not very confident with putting it together without making a giant mess. Also, because I’m pretty tough and love my spicy food, I added more of the spicy sauce they offered us. There was just the right amount of jalapenos in the burger adding enough kick with each bite but not too many that you start sweating profusely. I’m not sure the double cheese was necessary but I guess it added a creaminess to match the spice. The beef was nice but the flavour didn’t really come through when competing with the other ingredients.”

“Nothing but standouts the entire way for me with this burger. The soft traditional bun was exceptional and the pattie was tasty, big and obviously prepared by someone who loves their meat. What also worked for me was the chargrilled taste that lurked on the back of the palate along with the double grilled cheese which, is always going to win points in my book. The jalapenos with red onion added that fresh crunch to each bite and was a great way to break-up the dominating flavour of the beef. Overall, both the burger and the chips were great.”

“By now you should all know I have a little bit of an obsession with chipotle. So when I find a burger with chipotle mayonnaise you know I’m going to get a little excited. Because of our last rather bland experience under the venue’s previous guise I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high. But this burger was great. The pattie was soft and ground coarsely to give it a nice crumble with every bite. The red onion really shone and played nice next to the jalapenos. As far as the chipotle mayo goes it was ok, but I was hoping it could’ve been even smokier and spicier. Overall a really decent burger. I’d almost say best I’ve had in St Kilda for a while.”

In this day and age it’s not often you come across an establishment that’s been dishing out burgers for over 60 years. What’s even more surprising is that the joint is located in little downtown Auckland. This long white bus/trailer, converted diner on-wheels, is in many ways the original food truck (check it out). With the same family at the helm since 1948, the White Lady has become famous for their late night/very early morning hangover preventions/cures. Currently open Monday to Thursday from 730pm to 3am and 24 hours from Friday to Sunday, there’s no wonder so many locals vouch for its greasy healing properties. Weathered and in need of a fresh lick of paint doesn’t deter a soul though. The charm and elegance that the White Lady delivers has taken it to the #1 spot of “What to do in New Zealand” by Lonely Planet. Not being avid readers of the publication, we actually stumbled upon the neon clad bus early one morning and cursed our NZ buddies who forgot to mention this institution to us. We ordered and vowed to come back the next day to experience the burger with clear heads. We took our turn in a busy lunch time line and ordered the Cheeseburger that came on a traditional burger bun with a 100% New Zealand beef pattie, grilled onions, tomato, lettuce, cheese and tomato sauce.

“I am an absolute sucker for nostalgia and when I found out this place was founded in 1948 and had barely changed since, the thought of having the same burger experience as someone over half a century ago made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. As expected there was nothing fancy or pretentious about this burger. However what did surprise me (as I don’t think I’d ever had it before), was that the cheese was melted to the top of the lightly toasted bun instead of over the beef. The beef was perfectly seasoned but it was the grilled onions that added the greatest flavour and texture. Having first tried this burger drunk at 3am it was reassurring that it tasted just as good second time around, sober and during the day.”

“This burger was made for eating whilst standing – nicely wrapped and compact. The cheese was melted onto the bun like butter on hot toast. There’s not not much else that needs to be said about this burger. The pattie was thin and very tasty. The sweet caramelised onions perfectly capped off the burger and made it a complete meal. In my opinion no chips were needed. Next time in NZ I will definitely be going back!”

“When you’re on an epic Burger Adventure like we are and you come across a piece of history like this, it almost brings a tear to your eye. Whether it was 3am or 3pm the service was impeccable and burgers were delivered with a smile. The small-ish burger is easy to manage and does a great job of holding all of the fresh ingredients together. The dominant flavour for me was the sweetness from the onions and, when paired with a creamy cheese and salty meat pattie almost made for a perfect diner style burger. This is the place to come to in New Zealand, whether you’re after a burger or just want to soak up a piece of history.”

“I’m usually extremely embarrassed and rarely admit to people that on the rare occasion I can’t finish a burger. However, this one had me completely stumped and I honestly dont know many who could polish off this entire burger. Obviously the double patties were the first obstacle: both were cooked fairly well done and ended up being quite tough and chewy. To then add insult to injury they throw in the creaminess of egg, cheese and sauce that takes up valuable stomach real estate. My latest and greatest obsession has been the humble onion ring and I’ve come to the conclusion that they only belong next to the burger and not inside where it turns to mush. Would love to try a smaller, less intense version.”

“I really wanted to like this burger. I was conflicted by how much I love all the Bottom End burgers and how they usually bang out these awesome thingw day-in-day-out. But the Warnie really didn’t bowl me over at all. To begin with I don’t think they needed two patties; with all the ingredients this burger has already in it I don’t feel the two patties belonged in there. The patties really weren’t that great anyway. On the plus side the egg was cooked to a runny goodness and the cheese was so beautifully melted that together these two combined into a great ooze.”

“Yep, they warned us. I don’t know if it was because I’d been on the chicken wings and drink for most of the day but, this thing defeated me. It was big bad mother-effer and you need to bring an appetite if you plan on leaving with a clean plate. First off, the Mac’n'Cheese balls – amazing as always. The main thing I got out of this burger was the sweetness that came from the beetroot, bacon and bun. But, overall the burger disappointed me a little. I can see why they named it after the legend that is Warne. It was ridiculous. There was just so much going on. The patties weren’t overly impressive and lacked the quality that I’m used to at Bottom End. This meal feels like its a bit more of a “screw it I’m hungry I’ll eat anything” type of thing, that seriously drunk folk would appreciate. Sadly I wasn’t that drunk. I did end up with quite the full stomach and with sauce all over my face like a champ. But next time I’d be sticking to the Classic Cheesy Bacon burger.”

Tucked away in arguably Melbourne’s most famous lane way, Hoboken keeps some good company. Not only with all the tourists, artists and vagrants that frequent Hosier Lane, it gets to rub shoulders with (“Oh My GoD! Lets Blog about”) MoVida. Owner Hugh Thorn, of Von Haus fame, has now teamed up with baker Dan Younger, relentlessly working together to create a burger that is produced with products sourced as locally and organically as possible. Grinding the locally sourced meat in house, the team dishes out a limited amount of burgers each day – so be sure to get in and get your share. We managed to slip in one Sunday arvo and order the last burgers of the day. Before us arrived a glazed brioche bun with a thick freshly ground organic Cherry Tree Farm beef pattie, organic cheddar, Momo Fuku pickles, organic condiments, finely diced red onion and lettuce.

“This was an extremely fresh and flavourful burger. The first thing I noticed was the shiny gloss of the bun and the really chunky piece of beef. Although the beef was quite grey in colour with barely any char on the outside, it was still really tasty and had plenty of juice. Underneath the beef it initially looked like coleslaw however it turned out to be shredded lettuce covered in mayo which, ultimately contributed to the bottom bun almost completely dissolving. The venue is quintessential Melbourne: down a laneway, dudes with beards, water served in jars, eclectic music and to my surprise, really friendly service.”

“These guys – quite unapologetically – have produced a really simple burger. Perfect for a daytime meal with no huge sleepy side effects. For me the whole story is in the beef. Sure there might be other ingredients in it, but every bite into this juicy, delicious beef makes you forget about everything else in your world, like those University loans that never seem to be paid off and for some reason just grow. The bun was as delicate as you would imagine Charlize Theron’s skin would be if she was smothered in butter in the warm Mediterranean Sun. I just wish I had had some fries to boot.”

“The first thing I remember about Hoboken was the glorious smell. Man did the room reek of grilled awesomeness! After my super sexy photo shoot I bit in – the pattie dripped with excellence and the organic cheddar added a lovely creaminess. The bun was cute and sweet like my high school prom date, and did a good job of holding the meat. My only qualm would be the pickles that interrupted the meal every now and then with their acidity. As good as the burger was, it was a shame that the Hoboken cats ran out of fries by the time we got there (2pmish); they would’ve been the perfect sidekick to this smallish dish. But, if you do miss out on fries, don’t stress. A full stomach is only another burger away.”

Apart from a few unmentionables, there aren’t many combos better than “Burgers & Beer”. If you’re walking down Exhibition St your gaze might just be distracted with this very scribble. You see, like everything Melbourne these days, the cool cats behind this magnificent offering ask you to go down a laneway and then head down some stairs. You’ll pass the neon Strange Wolf sign and walk into a world of pot plants, concrete pillars, a weird sort-of alcove where dining occurs and of course, the bar. The guys at Strange Wolf have kept their menus pretty simple – in a great way. Offering a bunch of burgers and a decent drinks list that’s not “scary complicated” keeps things moving and really embodies “quality over quantity”. We sidled up to the bar and ordered ourselves their signature Wolf Burger that comes with grilled beef, caramelized onion, pickles, melted mozzarella, roma tomato and iceberg lettuce. On the side they dish up a fun-sized cone of fries and a shot-glass full of ketchup.

“The best way to describe this burger is to compare it to a Whopper made with love, care and attention. The beef was cooked with just enough char on the outside but still retained a lot of its juiciness and flavour. It had a really rustic, smashed up texture to it allowing the cheese to melt into every little crevice perfectly. Luckily the gigantic slices of pickle were quite mild as anything stronger would of been way too over powering. Now I’ve been known to be quite fond of a nightclub or two an,d am obviously very fond of burgers. However, I dont like the idea of the two of them combined. With this place being underground, very dark, with techno music playing at 7pm – it just reminded me of 3am. I know I’m weird but if I’m drinking I dont want to eat and if I’m eating I dont want to drink.”

“A simple burger, full of attitude for a great price of $12 and “yes”, it also comes with a teasing amount of chips that will leave you wanting more of everything. The pattie was cooked to perfection and full of flavour. The crispy sharpness of the the pickle made it the perfect wingman to this pattie. There was a light dressing flavour in the background but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. But whatever it was it stayed at back of the palette and made me love each bite. Served in a paper funnel, the crispy chips were great.”

“Usually when a burger is hyped up, I’m suspiscious straight away. I know people might recommend it and might say it’s awesome, but at 3am a double Quarter Pounders from Maccas are pretty damn awesome. But then I heard an American accent wafting over the sound of the grill and I felt a little more assured we might be getting something decent. Then unfortunately, it came out looking a bit average. I almost begrudgingly took the shots whilst the guys ate in silence. But then once I bit in I rejoiced and realised why the others weren’t talking. This meat was devine – grilled beautifully with hints of smokiness, a touch of char and a nice amount of fattiness. The rest of the burger did its job and let the meat remain the hero. The chips weren’t in abundance but for 12 bucks I can forgive them. I really enjoyed this one.”

There might just be a new shiny jewel in Melbourne’s “Crown”. American born Chefs Sam DeMarco (D Man) and Grant MacPherson (G Mac) recently opened the doors of their newest casual dining gastro-pub, “The Merrywell”. Cross diner, cross pub they’re offering some good ol’ fashioned pub favourites plus some re-invented classics. Upstairs you’ll find their swanky restaurant, but downstairs at the burger bar is where the real magic happens. Four meaty burgers occupy the menu along with some wicked sounding sandwiches and sides that you’d probably consider just devouring as one mean main. We approached the counter and ordered their signature Merrywell Burger that came with a soft bun, beef pattie, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, tomato, special sauce, bacon and a side of fries.

“This to me, is the absolute definition of a burger: a huge chunk of beef perfectly charred on the outside and perfectly pink on the inside just oozing fat, juice and most importantly flavour. Add to that a generous amount of melted cheese and you have everything you ever need in a burger. It has all the trimmings like bacon, pickle, lettuce, tomato however they all take a back seat in the overall flavour of the burger and just add a bit of texture. This is without a doubt not the most photogenic burger on the scene, and it will leave you looking like an absolute mess, but who cares. If I were to entertain some of our American burger blogger friends in Melbourne, I would take them here and they would feel at home (burger wise). I’d just ask them to turn a blind eye to the bogan tourists at the other tables and the price tag.”

“This is a modern day burger with a good old fashioned greasy factor. The pattie was just what they claim all their burgers to be on their menu: “All burgers served pink and juicy”. The juices will pretty much use up 10 serviettes just when sinking your teeth in the first bite. Be sure to position your chips under the burger to soak up all those beautiful tasty juices. The pickle and special sauce were spot on. The burger did have cheese in it, but I don’t think it needed it; sometimes less is more and I felt that the cheese was just getting lost in the myriad of flavour. Chips were damn fine..”

“It’s been a while since I’ve eaten a burger and thanked a higher power for the greatness before me. The beef was soft but not too delicate and left a coating of glorious fat swimming around my mouth. With every passing meal I constantly ask myself whether I should head down to Merrywell for another amazing burgasm. The juicy, fatty, tasty pattie is so rockstar I don’t even think it needs any of its entourage to back it up. But they were there, and they played a wicked supporting role, allowing the beef to sing to my tastebuds whilst they threw bras and g-strings in its general direction.”

The Tramway Hotel has been on our radar for some time now – even before The Age named it as one of their favourite burgers Victoria has to offer for 2012. But as some of you may know, we don’t always see eye to eye on what The Age considers almighty hamburger greatness. So off to a cosy corner of North Fitzroy we went. The Tramway offers pretty much everything you’d want from your local pub: friendly staff, comfy interior, good choice of beers and an eclectic (but not over the top) dining menu. Perusing the menu you’ll notice a decent portion is taken up by their “Fresh Burger Bar” consisting of 6 different “burger” options catering to both vegetarians and humans. We decided upon their signature Tramway Burger that sits on a Le Madre Bakery Ciabatta burger bun with a Char-grilled ground beef pattie topped with bacon, Swiss cheese, BBQ sauce, tomato relish, aioli, Spanish onion, tomato, and cos lettuce. Our burger also came with chunky hand cut chips with rosemary and bay salt, cooked in cholesterol free cottonseed oil.

“I’m not really sure how to describe the difference between a juicy burger and a wet burger. But, all I know is this burger was wet. The beef pattie confused the hell out of me – it was seasoned well with herbs, was well cooked through but had no char on it at all and for some reason the cheese didn’t stick to the pattie, instead latching on to the piece of bacon. The bun was great and did its job of containing all the moisture of the burger right through to the end. The home style chips were really good and the venue has a pretty chilled atmosphere.”

“This has been a long time coming for me. There has been a lot of buzz about this burger amongst friends, family and of course, our audience. Now it was my turn to finally decide. It had a generous, thick, great single herb tasting beef pattie, and the Swiss cheese melted nicely combining well with the aioli. Even though I’m not an avid fan of aioli in burgers, I do have to say this aioli was light, non-greasy and had a delicateness about it. Although the bun was tasty, I didn’t think it suited a burger… more of a breakfast roll. The chips were beautifully fluffy on the inside and had a rustic crunch on the out.”

“At first I thought, “Oh here we go, its the fancy bun hour”. Usually when I get into that frame of mind it’s when people try a little too hard with their hamburger and stray from the fact that the meat should be the hero. Saying that though, even with so many ingredients in there, this burger still remained ridiculously balanced. With every mouthful it was hard to determine where the bun started and pattie ended. But maybe a little too balanced – like I said, the meat should still be the standout hero. For 16 bucks with gourmet chips, it wasn’t bad. I think this rather herbie burger is way over hyped though, but I can see how it floats some people’s boats. What I mean is, imagine if Grill’d opened a pub: this would be their signature burger.”