The Botanical, or simply ‘The Bot’ as it’s commonly referred to by the locals, is a Melbourne institution located opposite the Botanical Gardens. The Botanical truly is a multi-faceted venue offering a formal dining room, informal wine store and cafe, a less formal bar and lounge, a courtyard and options for private events. The rear bar has its own menu available 7 nights a week, ideally suited to match your drink of choice, with live music on Wednesday and Sunday nights. Being an almost perfect balmy summer night, we grabbed a seat in the olive-tree lined courtyard, grabbed a beer and ordered the Cheeseburger & French Fries with lettuce, tomato, pickle and tomato chutney.

“This is my absolute favourite quiet pocket of Melbourne. I was glad to visit here in normal clothes as opposed to walking past huffing, puffing and sweating after running the Tan. Anyway, the burger came out fairly quickly, neatly presented with a heavy mug of fries, and as you’d expect with the price, wasn’t very big, but everything was in proportion. The chutney on both sides of the bun added a sweetness to each bite, which blended well with the juicy patty and salty pickles. This burger is ideal to accompany an afternoon of drinking, and will just hit the spot without leaving you bloated.”

“The stand-out for me was the great value you get for $13, which is a perfect lunch option for those carnivores that don’t want to settle for a salad. This burger is compact with a fresh crusty bun that’s very easy to palm and holds a nice thick juicy pattie surrounded by melted cheese and a double layer of home made sauce. For those sweet and tangy flavours the tomato and pickle have done their job and the cos lettuce keeps everything fresh and honest. Overall it’s a very simple burger at minimum cost that includes a bowl of awesome shoestring fries.”

“I was a little underwhelmed when the burger arrived. It was on the small side and came out just a little too quickly. I didn’t think there’d be much to it. However, it was decent. The meat was juicy and sweet, but I wanted it to be meatier/beefier. Maybe it was just the fact that the lightly spiced tomato ketchup took over most of the flavours. The bun was actually my favourite thing about the burger: a crusty Kaiser almost. I liked this burger but I wasn’t in love. These guys could charge close to $20 for this and people would pay it. Props for not being greedy.”

Located towards the northern end of the Glenferrie Rd shopping strip, Humburger recently opened with a contemporary, modern interior fit out featuring exposed white bricks, cow hide stools, neon lights and mirrors. With ample dining options including inside, outside and courtyard seating, it’s an ideal place to grab a bite to eat regardless of time or weather. With 5 different beef burgers, a chicken and a vegetarian on offer, there’s a burger to suit everyones taste. We went with the ‘New York’ burger with 2 beef patties, bacon, cheddar cheese, Emmental cheese, pickles, mayo and tomato sauce. You can wash it all down with either something alcoholic or a milk shake, and if you’re still not full by the end, the humballs are delicious for dessert.

“I’m surprised this didn’t fall over by the time it reached us, as it was delicately placed together with everything neatly piled high. What looked like something that would turn into an incredible mess, actually squashed down into something manageable, with plenty of juice squirting all over my strategically placed fries. The beef was a lot more tender than I expected and with 2 patties there was plenty of beefy flavour, with subtle hints of pickle and salty bacon coming through. The bun held up well for a while but had almost disappeared by the end.”

“Humburger feels a little more like more of a bar than a burger joint. Walking up to the counter the friendly staff look like hipster bartenders that will mix you a good drink, but surprisingly they are only interested in your burger order. The pattie was beautifully cooked and just crumbled in my mouth. The sweet bun was fresh and a delight to bite into. The other highlight was the exquisite bacon and the super runny cheese that reminded of the kind you’d get on a pizza. The burger was a little hard to manage but the payload is good, so persevere with the juice going down your hands and enjoy yourself.”

“This was a delicious start to 2014 for me. The first bite was initially soft and fluffy, but by the time I bit all the way in, I was chewing fresh crunchy pickles. The patties were cooked just a little bit pink and felt like the mince had been ground with a fine mincer – they were tightly bound, but it still worked for them. A nice sweeteness lingered during the meal; I can only imagine that the majority came from thee sauce and grilled onions. This is a very simple burger that’s really worth while. Best option in the area for sure.”

Down away from Port Melbourne’s main drag lies a café that you’re either going to say is breaking down barriers or just a little bit indecisive. Like many of the other internet dudes that take photos of their meals with oversized cameras, we were sent a few emails inviting us to come down and check out the menu. After gracefully declining (as we always do) we popped in on our own accord, primarily out of curiosity as to how a Russian/American menu, cooked by a Japanese Chef would work out. Even though you’ll find Blinztes to BBQ ribs on the menu, the desire to serve nothing but premium quality food is at the forefront of owner Greg and Inga’s minds. After being greeted by some super friendly staff we ordered the Gourmet Burger that came with porterhouse mince, spice, fetta and sun-dried tomato pattie on a bed of basil mayo in a brioche bun plus lettuce and tomato.

“I thought I would tackle this behemoth by cutting it in half; a decision I immediately regretted as the whole thing ended up looking like I’d just punched it, with ingredients splattered everywhere. I’m never a fan of any beef patty that’s been prepared earlier and seasoned with anything more than salt and pepper, and similarly, this thing just crumbled to pieces, with only small amounts sticking together by being burnt. The bun was burnt, which added another strong over-powering flavour and texture to compete with all the other big, bold flavours. Had everything been toned down a little bit it could be quiet enjoyable.”

“A nice smokey burger with some intense salty flavours like fetta and sundried tomato. The pattie and bun were huge and the burger was hard to control with all that slipperiness caused by a healthy serve of mayo and lettuce (a lot of lettuce!). The potatoes were perfectly cooked and well seasoned. I don’t mind the owners of Third Wave doing a burger a bit differently, but having seen how their BBQ dishes were coming out I would encourage them to give a classic a go.”

“Interestingly enough, for $19, this burger came with no chips. There weren’t even chips on the menu. I thought that this was going to upset me. However, the burger alone was plenty to get you full. Just like a lot of my basketball idols (Thunder Up!), it was tall and rich. Then and there I couldn’t work out if I liked it or not. There were moments filled with sweet creamy goodness from the lashings of Russian basil mayo. But because of this, it created a burger you just couldn’t keep your hands on; seeing D trying to deal with his was hilarious. The spices, fetta and sundried tomatoes added to the pattie didn’t help it’s structural integrity but did make for a soft, tasty pattie. If you’re looking for a less traditional style of hamburger – and want to splash some cash – then you could give this a try. Just maybe avoid wearing a white shirt.”

You can’t accuse the gents behind MEATLiquor of being ambiguous. When you hear about it or see its neon signs there isn’t much left to the imagination right? You might expect MEATliquor to be a little like what everyone else is doing: embracing the classic diner style with a little bit of alcohol to sip on the side. Well, it’s a little bit of the opposite. When you do manage to be let in by the bouncer (after waiting for an hour), that first step inside the dark, loud, graffiti soaked venue resembles more of a nightclub than a restaurant. Don’t be fooled by all of this because MEATliquor is still all about meat and liquor. The people behind it all started it in what’s looking like a trend for most success stories: humble beginnings serving out of a van (MEATwagon), then moving to pop ups (#MEATeasy) and finally to a couple of fixed spots (recently opened in Brighton). The guys are Chef Yiannis Papoutsis and Scott Collins, who met at MEATwagon one night. Collins was so impressed with the product that he arranged for Chef Yiannis to open up at Collin’s pub for a night – then the word spread. With an all-out attitude that dares you to eat and drink ’til you drop, their menu consists of plenty of juicy burgers and drinks to make you stumble home. After a recommendation from one of the waitresses/burgerettes I went for the Chili Cheeseburger that came with a beef pattie, chili butter, cheese, red onions, pickles, lettuce, mustard and ketchup (and a Jameson to boot).

“The first bite was great: soft and with a hit of spice. But then it got boring. The spice did have some kick, but it wasn’t enough to force my tastebuds into submission. I imagine the cheese, that I completley missed, did its part in calming the chillis fire. The beef was a nice pink on the inside with lots of char on the outside but it had no character. It tasted under-salted and didn’t have any boldness to it. This place has lots of street cred, so if I went back I’d like try their simple meat and bun burger, as I think the chilli (although tasty) didn’t do the beef any favours.”

Go back some 10 years and unless you were buying a Lamborghini or on your way to buy a couch, you’d probably never really have thought to hang out that far down Chapel St. Nowadays, amid a jungle of high rise apartments, you only have to spit and you’d hit a new place to eat. Hello Sam is making the most of the sprawl and basically has any type of burger for any occasion or any body. Their owner Katherine Sampson (bonus points for why it’s called “Hello SAM”) is better known for her Healthy Habits chain but aims to bring the diner tradition out of the dark dingy corners, polish it off and please a whole bunch of Melbournians with some gourmet burgers. Hello Sam’s menu is pretty extensive, so whether you’re in the mood for a fish, lamb, chicken, or beef burger (or maybe even a hotdog) you’ll be covered. We decided to upgrade their namesake Simply Sam burger to the Too Cheesy version. It came on a brioche bun with an Angus pattie, lettuce, tomato, red onion, tomato relish, 2 mustard mayo and a cheddar ale melt.

“A slight moment of panic as it looked like they’d forgotten the beef patty. However, after lifting the top bun I saw that hidden underneath a waterfall of cheese was the piece of beef. The pattie had been cooked to within an inch of its life, leaving behind little flavour but, the super creamy cheese somewhat made up for it. The bun was fresh, the salad was fresh, but I would of preferred the chutney to have a little bit more tang and bite to it. I loved the complimentary hand wipes that came with the meal and as tempting as they may smell, don’t eat them.”

“For an additional $1 to upgrade from the Simply Sam to the Too Cheesy I’d really recommend you pay it and get transported to cheese heaven. It was by far one of the cheesiest burgers I’ve had so far this year. The pattie was a bit too small for the bun and was a tad bit over cooked, but was still good. The bun was like a soft kiss from the heavens, promising to take you to a safe place away from all the world’s craziness. If I was working around the corner I’d definitely be there for lunch a couple of days a week; perfect for that quick lunch break.”

“I wasn’t overly impressed to begin with. The pattie was rather charred and looked to be wearing an oversized bun for a hat/helmet. It wasn’t until I bit in that I tasted some of the best cheese I’ve ever encountered in a burger. It had me looking like a crackie: licking the front of my teeth for 15 minutes after I had finished, trying to get at any remanence. The pattie wasn’t bad, but it didn’t get the love and attention it needed on the grill. The bun to pattie ratio was saddest part – being left with an outrageous crescent moon shaped bun after I eaten through the pattie wasn’t ideal. Hello Sam does have a lot of potential, but right now the operation seems rushed, reactive and they’re learning as they go. Saying that, because of that cheddar cheese (and with hopefully this feedback taken on-board), I’ll be poking me head in from time to time as summer rolls in.”

When you’ve been out all night and drank one too many Moritzs, the last thing you’re going to want is many tiny Spanish plates. Thanks to the festive Catalan and tourists-alike, a late night burger joint is always going to flourish. Pim Pam (English translation: “Pim Pam”) has been overwhelmed with customers ever since opening their doors in 2006. In fact, their parent restaurant, Pim Pam Plats, who were known for serving deli style eats as well as their trademark hamburger, had to create a dedicated burger restaurant to cope with the demand. Calling themselves the benchmark of Barcelona, the guys pride themselves on their version of slow-cooked fast food, calling it Fast Good, using only the freshest ingredients from local markets. They offer a range of burger options that either come with a beef and pork, veal, chicken or veggie pattie. I decided to try their Pim Pam Completa burger that came on a traditional burger bun with a 150g beef and pork pattie (you can upgrade to 200g if the mood should strike you), lettuce, tomato, onion, gherkin, cheese, egg, bacon and special sauce.

“I was gladly led here by my brother from another mother because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have found it on my own. After a bit of a walk through the narrow Barcelona streets and stepping into the cramped little shop I was ready to engulf a big, bad hamburger. Every bite reminded me of Mother Z’s hamburger patties: rather course, rissoley mince and with chopped onion and parsley throughout. The pork and beef combo didn’t really do it for me, but I knew it’d be fattier and more flavoursome than the veal patties that these guys offer (supposedly this is very common in Spain.) It was a bit of an ordeal to get the whole thing down as it had plenty of slide; I’m pretty sure the litre of sauce I saw the guy behind the counter applying was the culprit. I did enjoy it but it wasn’t amazing. If I’m ever back I think I’d like to try the other burgers here. There’s one with three cheeses on it that sounds like a perfect way to kick-start a siesta.”

Whenever you’re in a new country it’s always recommended to go and eat where the locals eat. Thanks to the burger craze hitting Poland over the last couple of years, at Warburger you’ll be right at home tucking into a hamburger side-by-side with genuine Polaks. The guys behind the burger wheeling kiosk were looking to provide locals with a decent alternative to the swamp of kebab shops across Poland. For owners Adam and Bartek, it was important to show the good-folk of Poland that a hamburger wasnt just a measley piece of minced meat between some bread. So they went about sourcing all local produce, baking their own buns and branching out into different styles of burgers including a range of gourmet twists on the classics, as well as a venison burger. The venue itself only has space for a handful of people, but on a warm day you won’t have a worry in the world because it’s surrounded by park benches and shady trees. Unlucky for me it was a rainy summer’s day so I sat under cover waiting for my Cheeseburger that came out on a buttermilk bun, with a 100% Polish beef pattie, Mimolette cheese, tomato, lettuce and red onion. Purely because I could, as I walked out I helped myself to one of their free apples available to the customers.

“Seeing the kiosk popping up out of a grassy, little reserve gave the whole establishment a kind of early day Shake Shack vibe. Locals told me that this place was pretty popular and the wait time might be over 40 minutes. However, lucky for me, with Polish holidays in full swing and rain coming in sideways I only waited 35 – and not because it was particularly busy. Once I got my burger and bit in I got a surprise; there was nothing fantastic about it! The pattie was nicely salted but I really only tasted any beefiness when I tried it on its own. The buttermilk bun was on the sweet side but still a nice change from brioche. Overall it was decent feed but if were to go back I’d be trying their seasonal or more experimental burgers.”