If you’re reading this thinking California’s famous Father’s Office has opened up a faction in Australia, think again. Call it clever marketing or flattering imitation, it got us curious enough to check it out. Up some dark stairs along Little Lonsdale St and you’ll find yourself in a large bar draped head-to-toe in wood and 1920′s inspired paraphernalia. Serial entrepreneurs Stewart Koziora and Anna Carosa took over for Match Bar in 2012 and went on to create a space that caters to all walks of life. Whether it’s after work drinks, weekend comfort food or functions they’ve got it covered. On a weekend a decent drinks menu will keep you liquored up until 3am or if you’re more the civilised type and food is your vice then there’s plenty to choose from. An extensive Americana inspired menu will have you “Ooing and Ahhing” over Kansas City Baby Back Ribs, Philly Steak Sandwiches and Warm Apple, Pear & Blueberry Pie. We couldn’t look past the Man Burger though. It came with a brioche bun smothered in Dijon mustard, topped with a 200gm grass fed Queensland yearling MSA certified black angus pattie, 2 pieces of Swiss cheese, a layer of beer battered fries, 2 more pieces of Swiss cheese, a fried egg, a full rasher of bacon and chipotle mayo.

“It would’nt suprise me if whoever thought up of this burger was drunk, or if a large percentage of customers who consume this burger are also drunk. I’m sure it felt like a good idea at the time but its complete overkill and unnecessary. It’s a shame as each individual flavour was nice, but you don’t need 4 slices of cheese, aswell as a creamy gooey egg, aswell as mayo and mustard, aswell as a layer of chips to overpower and kill any flavour from the beef or bacon. So unless you have masculinity issues, are extremeley drunk or like feeling sick after a meal, I’d go ahead and order something else from the menu.”

“I’d read about this burger and had been a little bit impressed. I mean 4 slices of Swiss Cheese! That’s a party. I was pretty blown away when it came out. It was oozing with cheese as expected and I started to dread the extra KMs I’d have to run to burn this sucker off. Biting in was a bit of a challenge, purely because it was so dense. But immediatley all that mustard hit me. It was good! But that was only my first bite. After a while the burger became a bit of a chore and a boring one at that. I’ll give it points for consistency but all the flavours stayed on the same side of the spectrum. What this burger was missing was sweetness to cut through the heaviness. I’d replace the chips with either onion rings or caramelised onions. Screw it, just ketchup would have done fine. The menu says the beef is decent quality, but it didn’t hit me with too much flavour. On that day I didn’t have the stomach to finish this thing. But I still stick by Yokohama accomplishment if you want to challenge my eating prowess.”

Co-owners Matt Ward and Mitch Haworth’s first venture is primarily all about great coffee, but they also knew they’d have to build a mouth watering menu to match. Prospect Espresso was a well need addition to the Camberwell cafe scene, boasting a warm and cosy interior filled with natural raw materials. The beautiful custom made communal table commands the room but also offers a generous amount of side dining tables that work perfectly in the smalll and well-thought out used space. Using a range of seasonal ingredients their lunch menu offers a variety of fresh, tasty bites as well as a couple of good ol’ meaty offerings including their Prospects Burger. The house made minced beef is accompanied by bacon, cheese, pickles, and lettuce all in a soft bun. On the side you’ll find some crunchy fat chips with creamy aioli.

“I can’t believe I left this place without finishing my chips or trying their coffee, but the burger was so rich and full of flavour I couldn’t possibly cram any more into my stomach. Really well presented with a skewer holding everything together, the flavours that stood out for me were the perfectly cooked, thick and salty piece of bacon that contrasted really well with the soft creaminess of the melted cheese and aioli. The beef patty was minced coarsely and kept it really juicy and tasty, and the sweet, seed covered bun kept everything together pretty well.”

“This is a sexy piece of work. The bun shone, the cheese oozed and I swear the bacon winked at me as it lay underneath, inviting me to take my first bite. Before I did though, I unloaded my chips strategically onto the plate to catch all the burger’s juices. First bite in: big success, a lot of juice seasoned chips. The coarsely ground pattie didn’t have a lot of seasoning but this worked in its favour. The semi-sweet bun was tasty but was a bit doughy, leaving me with a bunch of it left on my plate. The bacon and cheese combo were by far my highlight. The bacon was lean as hell and there was a whole lot of it – I didn’t want it to stop. A really well-balanced burger that’s sure to be known as the toast of Camberwell.”

Once you look past all the footballers’ wives and the Gold Coast-like shine of Bay St, you might notice some worthwhile spots to kick back with a bite and brews. The former Rose Hotel is no stranger to a make over, but this one looks like it might stay around a while. Mates, Steed Sherriff (ex The Royal Saxon) and Ashley Cranston (ex Little Creatures Dining Hall), have fitted this Port Melbourne establishment with an outfit for almost any occasion. Rose Diner out front (entrance off Bay St) takes a few diner dishes and adds a more modern twist. What took our fancy though was the offerings that Little Rose lists on their menu. Open for breakfast and lunch Little Rose dishes out a selection of hit-the-spot dishes like Jaffles, waffles and milkshakes. Casually sitting down in the Sunday sun we ordered the Southside Burger that came with a Black Angus pattie, smoked bacon, cheddar, tomato, and an onion ring all on a toasted brioche bun.

“After entering Rose Diner and asking about Little Rose, we were graciously escorted through the back door and past a row of kegs to find ourselves in Little Rose. Although I think we entered the wrong way, it really added to the mystique. Arriving in one of the red little baskets that automaticly make you think, “these guys aren’t f***ing around” I bit into a really great, sweet buttery bun holding a charred beef pattie – soft, pink and juicy on the inside. The fresh tomato and crunchy pickles work really well with single onion ring and smoked bacon. I have to say I am fairly impressed with this unassuming place.”

“First fun fact: food that is served in a red plastic basket tastes better. Second fun fact: food that features an onion ring tastes better. Therefore the combo of these two factors made for a really enjoyable burger experience. There was a nice bit of crunch coming from the perfectly charred beef as well as the fresh tomato and pickle slices. Although stacked high with a really soft and fluffy bun, everything ended up squishing down into an easily managable and tasty bite.”

“What really stands out for me besides the great tasting burger is the environment in which it was served. It really made me feel like I was at my local café (where everyone one knows the way you like your coffee) looking at the world go by. The burger itself was great, with a great buttery bun, juicy pattie and some great tasting supportive condiments. The pickle was crisp, fresh and tasted tremendous when combined with the mayo dressing. Big props for the crispy onion ring and chips that had been beautifully cooked.”

“I’ve got a confession to make. What really drove me to take B,D and G to Little Rose was the waffles. If you’re opening up an eatery and want to get my attention, add burgers + waffles to your menu. The burger was unveiled in magnificent fashion, gliding out in a red basket – pretty as a picture. It was salty and sweet; mainly from a nice balance between the tomato and single onion ring. A really nice move on not going overkill by not adding too many. The beef had a slight charr to it but was soft as marshmallows on the inside. My only suggestion might have been the addition of little spice? Whether in the burger or some jalapeno poppers on the side – but thats just me being picky. I really, really rate this burger. And for 11 bucks this thing is incredible.”

Brought to you by Daragh Kan and Myles Munro, their mission statement goes something like “Mr Burger sells burgers. From a truck in Melbourne.” – pretty much self explanatory. Since attending the South by Southwest music festival in Austin, Texas, earlier this year, the guys saw an opportunity to bring the Food Truck revolution to the whole of Melbourne. They’ve setup a semi-permanent location at 93 Therry St, opposite the Queen Victoria Market, but your best best is to check their daily updates on facebook or twitter to find out exactly where you can get a mouthful in our beautiful city. Like their motto, they’ve kept the menu simple; with 2 burgers on offer and fries as an option for a side. We went for their signature Mr Burger which consists of local beef, American cheese, lettuce, onion, pickle, mustard, mayonnaise and tomato sauce.

“The older I get, the more I seem to be appreciating the simpler things in life. For example, the moment melted cheese hits the hot plate and solidifies, leaving a crispy ring of burnt cheese around a pattie is one of the greatest tastes ever and provides me with immense pleasure. So I was off to a good start, and apart from having to remove the thick spine of the lettuce leaves, it only got better. The bun did its job and the 3 sauces along with the cheese ensured every bite was packed full of flavour and kept the beef extremely juicy. The only way i could think of improving this burger would be by making it a double, but this is me just being greedy.”

“That’s right Melbourne it’s another food truck. And just like Melbourne’s beloved Beat Box Truck this truck is banging out burgers that will give any “place with a front door” a run for their money. Made with heaps of attitude and love for two buns and a piece of meat these gents have researched what it takes to make an epic burger. Packed with heaps of sweet juice and flavour I instantly fell in love with the beef pattie. The oozing American cheese blended with the mayo and mustard was a real killer combo. For a street burger this thing held it’s own and never became a mess, but you wouldn’t know that if you saw our boy D trying to eat this. Chips were good, but could have done without the herb seasoning.”

“Such a terrific example of an all-star American burger. The boys have done a seriously good job in bringing all they learnt from the U.S and packed it between two buns. You’ll know it as soon it’s in your hands, but this burger is so soft and invites you to smash it it as quickly as you can. All of the condiments played a stellar role in supporting the juicily pink beef pattie and it was hard to find any chinks in the burger’s armour. The great thing is that they cater for real burger fans – because sometimes you want a burger to be fresher, on the lighter side (I could’ve eaten two of these), and there are other times you want walk away with a serious meat fix. That’s why it was good to see they’ve got a Mr Meat Burger that has added bacon and all the tasty things that’ll have me back there in no time. Hats off to the lads again and with more and more Melbournians singing their praise I’m sure it won’t be long until they’re changing their name to Sir Burger.”

Lorne is an idyllic seaside town approximately 2 hours west of Melbourne and is a popular tourist destination along the world famous Great Ocean Rd. Throughout summer it plays host to the nearby Falls Music Festival and the Pier to Pub ocean swimming race. In 2008, Brett Graham and Robert Lowther, previously owners of Pizza Pizza, opened The Bottle of Milk to offer their take on the classic beachside burger and chips. The burgers are made from 100% premium quality beef and served within an organic La Madre bun baked fresh daily from nearby Geelong. The condiments are made either in-house or sourced locally from Martians Cafe. We grabbed a picnic table outside and ordered ourselves the Nelly that came with prime beef, tasty cheese, bacon, avocado, lettuce, tomato, onion, house mayo and relish.

“I have to say when this burger first came out I thought I was in for another lazy seaside attempt at trying to make something impressive. The bun somewhat surprised me – what at first I thought was going to be a turkish bread-esk bun turned out to be a great, soft and fresh sourdough. The pattie was juicy and well cooked, but I thought could do with a little more seasoning. A generous amount of bacon added some needed saltiness, all accompanied by tasty cheese and fresh tomato, lettuce and onion. But what stood out was the fresh, perfectly ripe avocado that gave this burger a fantastic creaminess which helped take it to the next level. ”

“I knew after about 3 minutes into this burger we were onto something pretty special, because not one of us had said a single word to anyone. This coming from a group that take talking shit to a whole new level, myself included, this was something new. The first thing I noticed was how fresh all the ingredients were; the bun was super soft but robust enough to keep it all together, the big pile of bacon atop the beef added a great level of saltiness that worked really well with the subtle, creamy, and I think most underated addition to any burger, the humble avocado. With not too many other options available in the area, being extremely fresh and great value for money I can understand why people kept recommending this burger – I couldnt think of anything better after a day of surfing.”

“With a great tasting pattie on a sourdough bun this burger delivered a real homemade rustic feel. The bacon wasn’t anything special, but did its job. Like with every burger we have, it’s the small things in a burger that can really make it pop and the avocado really took it to a different place. The tasty cheese was your run-of-the-mill stuff and the relish was a nice alternative to ketchup. Chips were good and crunchy and had a sprinkling of dried herbs that I could have done without, but overall still good.”

“Utter shock overwhelmed me as I bit in. Every single item here was fresh and my god did they make for a great burger. The beef was bold and in your face making me imagine how good the double burger option could’ve been. The bun suited the burger quite well, but it did totally disintegrate by the end of it. Probably due to the intense creamy love created by the avocado, mayo and cheese – a combo that made my day. I walked away from Bottle of Milk thinking that with the amount of tourists they get through Lorne, this place doesn’t need to be this good. It doesn’t even need to be this cheap. But that’s what makes this place so god-damn special.”

For more than nearly 30 years Greasy Joe’s has been one of Melbourne’s most iconic establishments, serving up it’s signature burgers and amazingly huge breakfasts. So when this Acland St icon came up for sale, Rob Gringlas jumped at the opportunity to reinvent it into something that still holds some original charm. After returning home following a stint in the UK, Gringlas wanted to bring the best of what he saw around the world to St Kilda. Losing the “Greasy” and reopening as Joe’s Bar & Dining Hall, they have undergone a huge transformation with a hip new fit-out, a casual yet refined menu and a drinks list of great cocktails, local beers and Australian wines. Paying homage to its past life, the menu still includes burgers and sliders as well as other dishes like roast pumpkin and marscapone risotto plus a decent selection of steaks. We however, went straight to the burger section of the menu and ordered their Spicy beef burger that comes with a 100% Galloway beef pattie, jalapenos, onions, double cheese, lettuce, tomato sauce, cayenne and chipotle mayo.

“I really liked the new fitout and the new menu; its a lot more grown up and appropriate for the area. The burger was really well presented, however it came open and I like my burger already stacked because I’m not very confident with putting it together without making a giant mess. Also, because I’m pretty tough and love my spicy food, I added more of the spicy sauce they offered us. There was just the right amount of jalapenos in the burger adding enough kick with each bite but not too many that you start sweating profusely. I’m not sure the double cheese was necessary but I guess it added a creaminess to match the spice. The beef was nice but the flavour didn’t really come through when competing with the other ingredients.”

“Nothing but standouts the entire way for me with this burger. The soft traditional bun was exceptional and the pattie was tasty, big and obviously prepared by someone who loves their meat. What also worked for me was the chargrilled taste that lurked on the back of the palate along with the double grilled cheese which, is always going to win points in my book. The jalapenos with red onion added that fresh crunch to each bite and was a great way to break-up the dominating flavour of the beef. Overall, both the burger and the chips were great.”

“By now you should all know I have a little bit of an obsession with chipotle. So when I find a burger with chipotle mayonnaise you know I’m going to get a little excited. Because of our last rather bland experience under the venue’s previous guise I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high. But this burger was great. The pattie was soft and ground coarsely to give it a nice crumble with every bite. The red onion really shone and played nice next to the jalapenos. As far as the chipotle mayo goes it was ok, but I was hoping it could’ve been even smokier and spicier. Overall a really decent burger. I’d almost say best I’ve had in St Kilda for a while.”

Velvet Burger – 18 Fort Street, Auckland, New Zealand

Velvet Burger first opened its doors in Dunedin on New Zealand’s South Island back in 2006. Since then they’ve gone onto open another location in Auckland followed by yet another second offering in Dunedin. Being very proud of their New Zealand heritage, they have signed their own treaty that promises to provide the best gourmet burger experience, which involves beer, being open really late and then providing comfort from your hangover (pretty much suits us perfectly). They also offer a menu that includes nearly every animal option to sit on a burger like beef, lamb, venison, fish or chicken. With D & Z super keen to begin their NZ Burger Adventure, they got on some extra early flights and headed straight for Velvet Burger. Looking at the menu for approximately 23 seconds it was pretty obvious that they’d opt for the Hottie. It came out on a soft burger bun with beef, grilled mango, chilli mayonnaise, Velvet relish, lettuce, cucumber, tomato and red onion.

“I have to admit that when it first came out it didn’t look that appealing; a fairly non-descript bun blocking much of the view of the ingredients. It was only when I picked it up did I realise how soft and perfect this bun was for the sweet, spicy and creamy goodness that lay inside. The beef was cooked delightfully but the real star of the show was the combination of the sweetness of the juicy mango matched in contrast to the spicyness of the chilli mayo. Of course I had trepidation about a burger that had fruit in it as it could’ve gone horribly wrong… however these guys got it very right. This, plus surroundings of exposed brick, a large timber bar, South American uni students and plasmas with the sport channel playing made for quite the enjoyable experience.”

“My first burger in New Zealand and I was eager to see what our southern neighbours could come up with. Alas, it came out pretty flat and I already started to feel a smidge disappointed. But then as D removed the top bun to inspect his burger, a rush of wonder began to take over my tastebuds. Because that’s when I saw all that juicy, colourful mango begging to be consumed. “What the hell is this going to taste like!”, I thought. Then as I took my first bite it struck me; I knew exactly why they call this place Velvet Burger. It was so soft you could skydive into the burger and probably survive*. With every bite I’d taste the lingering sweetness of the mango, the soft bun and the decent chilli kick. Then the beef came in every now and then to remind you why you’re not a vegetarian. The other thing I loved about the mango was that it acted as three ingredients in one. The creaminess that it created meant you didn’t need to add cheese, egg or mayo! This was also one of the first times I’d eaten cucumbers in a store-bought-burger; and I welcome them. They’re a fresh take on a pickle that work especially well with the summer theme of the Hottie. A really interesting take on a burger that I by all means would order again.”