Middle Brighton Baths – 251 The Esplanade, Brighton,
Victoria, Australia

“There aren’t many better views in Melbourne while enjoying a sunny Sunday lunch, made even better by dining alongside Australian legend and former Test captain Ricky Ponting and his family. Unfortunately the burger didn’t live up to the same standards as the view and guests, it honestly looked and tasted like something bought from the local supermarket with a chipotle mayo added, which is fine if you’re cooking at home or a bbq, however not when paying $22 for it.”

“I found my pattie tasteless and a bit rubbery. The only highlight was the chipotle mayo which added some pepperness to what was a bland burger. The bun, cheese and pickle where all doing there part but it’s pretty much a supermarket burger. Heaps of room for improvement here.”

“This wasn’t good at all. From the bun to the lettuce. It was all store bought, but you could make it better at home. The patty was salty and looked like it had been shaped in a production line. The cheese only began to melt when my hands gripped the enormous bun. For the 22 bucks it was totally not worth it. The highlight was chipotle mayo, if any.”

We’ve always said that McDonald’s isn’t an Adventure. But, when they got in touch with us a couple of weeks ago, they promised a Maccas experience like never before. We receive emails all the time to come in for a burger “on the house”, but always decline in favour of coming unannounced where we’re sure we’ll receive the same burger as the guy walking in behind us. In this instance, we had the chance to be one of the first people to check out a new concept that’s somewhat of a big deal to a company who’s served billions of burgers world wide. So, before we knew it myself (Z) and D were on a plane up to Sydney to build our own custom McDonald’s Gourmet Burger.

After a few handshakes with the McDonald’s folk we were standing in front of some touch screens punching in a variety of different options we’d like in our burger. You get an interesting amount of choice that we really didn’t expect to find in an Australian McDonald’s. Options like a Brioche bun, Tortilla chips and Applewood Smoked Bacon were all a surprise. We decided that we were going to make two different kinds of burgers: something that the average punter would try and make (basically throw anything and everything in a burger) and then something that would make Ron Swanson proud (meat x meat x meat).
D threw in mushrooms, caramelised onions, fresh onions and jalapenos amongst the traditional McDonald’s burger fair and I went straight into double beef, Jack cheese, 4 x bacon and jalapenos. Once we’d finalised our order a receipt was spat out, we found a table outside and observed. Within about 5 minutes our burgers were brought over by an enthusiastic Maccas team member posing as a waiter (table service is all part of it) and hoed in.
It’s probably the first thing I thought of (and the last): it doesn’t taste like McDonald’s – not the McDonald’s I’m used to anyway. Granted, D’s burger was an utter mess and no doubt there’ll be plenty of people getting a product that they think might taste great when ordering, but really shouldn’t even exist. If I were in charge I’d actually have the people who select certain combinations like no bun ( yes you can do that ) escorted quietly out of the store. There is a reason why Big Macs have stood the test of time. First off, McDonald’s are a squillionaire corporation so everything they do will be thought out and researched. And, secondly, because everyone knows what you’re going to get with a Big Mac; familiarity. So, when people start creating God Knows What, we’d probably advise them to get a side of Cheeseburger to carry them through the rest of their day.

The Double Meat Quad Bacon creation on the other hand was seriously a pleasure. You probably wouldn’t want to run a marathon afterward but it’s more in line with the McDonald’s most of us know. The patties tasted like an upgrade from the normal menu and with that amount of bacon plus some Jack cheese you shouldn’t be able to mess it up.The things that let D and I down though were the details. When opting for a more meaty burger other things need to be upped to balance it out. The same amount of sauce and jalapenos were used that a single patty might’ve just covered, so the zing of spice didn’t really come through. I guess thats something that a production line might miss when you compare it to a local burger joint.
So, we had some ups and downs, but generally we had a decent feed. Some chains like Grill’d might feel a pinch in the big cities, but where this is really going to take off is in more rural areas where they don’t have more Gourmet Burger options. It’s hard to predict how Australia will feel about paying over $16 for a meal at Maccas though.
The enormity of the task at hand for McDonalds is rather scary: within the next 6-9 months they plan on rolling this out to every store in the country. So, start thinking about what you might want to cram into a burger now, because you might not have to wait too long (unless there’s a line of course, then you’ll probably wait a while). We have no idea how they’re going to pull it off but if anyone can do it it’s probably these guys.

P.S They flew us to Sydney, paid for our transfers and our meals, then left us to it.

Ripponlea Food and Wine – 5 Glen Eira Road,
Ripponlea, Victoria, Australia

“I knew straight away I was going to turn this into a massive mess so to try and minimise the impact I decided to cut it in half. First thing that really stood out was the height and size of the patty, it had a really crumbly texture and plenty of herbs mixed through for flavour. Due to the size, it was cooked fairly well which left it fairly dry. Then, combined with the dry and flakey bun you really began to notice the lack of juice. The melted cheese and crispy bacon obviously helped the burger, however the thick chunks of tomato and pickle didn’t compliment at all.”

“From a place that had some great simple comforting food I had an expectation the burger would be OK and to a degree I think it was. The pattie was rustic and rissole-like with some great tasting characteristics and cooked to perfection. The bun though, didn’t keep its integrity throughout the meal. The mayo was really good with the chips. The one thing I didn’t like was the amount of greens – too much!”

Located in South Eastern suburbia this little cosy, woodgrain-walled shop greets you with friendly staff and the tantalising smell of BBQ. With mouth-watering menu options of delicious meat cuts cooked BBQ style, you can’t help go home still smelling like a cook-out. Their busy nights are Friday and Saturday so we recommend you get there early and be prepared to come back again to try all the assortments of “fall-off-the-bone” meats they have on offer. We went for their famous “Racks Burger” served on a brioche bun with a basted 180g pattie, mix lettuce, tomato, sliced cheese and Racks sauce.

“As we were the only one’s in here (and it’s quite a compact little shop), I could see how much care and attention the chef was putting into each burger. Which is why I was amazed when he opened a fresh bag of buns, then burnt one on the grill, turned to the girl working with him and muttered something along the lines of “oh crap, I burnt that one” and then continued to serve it to me. My dining companions seemed to be enjoying theirs, however it was pretty hard to accurately assess its flavour and texture when it felt like biting into a charcoal briquette.”

“I really enjoyed the whole experience; the service was friendly, the shop smelled of BBQ and was warm and cosy for a winters day. The burger itself was OK, but nothing in the burger really popped up for me with the exception of the delicious Racks sauce glaze. What really sets this place apart for me is entertaining the thought of sharing a rack of ribs with a group of friends then moving onto the burger. I did pay an additional $3 for the chips which I think was a no brainer; no meal is complete without chips.”

“As soon as the burgers went on the grill the smell of nice charred meat was in the air. It was a lovely looking burger although before I bit in I was a little worried the patty might be a little too far on the dark side. Yes, it was crunchy on the outer, but ended up being so soft on the inner. It was really well-balanced and had notes of sticky sweetness from the base sauce, sort of reminding me of a Big Mac Sauce. It was an all around solid burger but I wish it had a little more cheese and maybe even a pickle on the side to finish off the meal.”

As the gentrification of the inner northern suburbs of Melbourne rapidly expands, it was only a matter of time before people saw value and opportunity in Preston. Located only 9kms north of Melbourne with a large Macedonian and Asian population, 3 locals noticed a lack of a decent burger so decided to roll up their sleeves and fill a niche. With a sleek interior, consisting of plenty of concrete, bricks and dark green tiles, we grabbed a stool at one of the tables and considered our burger options. With everything sourced locally and all sauces and pickles made in house, it all sounded appealing but we settled on the burger named after their owner. ‘The Chew” came with a 190g Wagyu patty, cos lettuce, tomato, pickle, mustard, aioli and cheddar cheese between a brioche bun.

“What a pleasant surprise to be served a burger on a white plate, as opposed to a plank of wood that’s so prevalent at the moment. The slightly larger than standard patty was absolutely ideal; cooked to a perfect medium, pink and juicy in the middle, but not dripping wet, managing to trap in all the flavour. The crisp bite from the lettuce, tomato and pickle complimented it well without distracting me and the creaminess of the cheese and aioli rounded out the great flavours. Surprisingly my favourite part was the bun, that appeared to just be a standard sesame seed bun, turned out to be a perfectly toasted brioche bun with plenty of substance to remain intact right until the end. On a side note, be prepared to yell, as this place filled up it got really loud with all the voices and noises bouncing off all the hard surfaces.”

“With limited seating available, but great customer service and very catchy tunes to shake your head to while you wait for your burger, this little Northern suburbs shop has shot to notoriety in less than three months since opening. The menu basically consists of just burgers and making a decision is hard (I recommend flipping a coin to decide). The patty was beautifully pink in the middle covered with melted cheddar cheese and complemented by my favourite combo of crunchy pickle and mustard. The bun was your typical sweet brioche bun with no surprises and chips were good too.”

“This was a very decent burger. It basically sets the standard of how burgers should be made. It was hard to fault really. Everything was balanced and there was plenty of sweetness and saltiness. The only thing I’d say is that there wasn’t any particular ownable factor to the burger. But maybe it didn’t need one. It is was a classic, done well. I really liked it. Shame it’s not closer to home.”

Located towards the northern end of the Glenferrie Rd shopping strip, Humburger recently opened with a contemporary, modern interior fit out featuring exposed white bricks, cow hide stools, neon lights and mirrors. With ample dining options including inside, outside and courtyard seating, it’s an ideal place to grab a bite to eat regardless of time or weather. With 5 different beef burgers, a chicken and a vegetarian on offer, there’s a burger to suit everyones taste. We went with the ‘New York’ burger with 2 beef patties, bacon, cheddar cheese, Emmental cheese, pickles, mayo and tomato sauce. You can wash it all down with either something alcoholic or a milk shake, and if you’re still not full by the end, the humballs are delicious for dessert.

“I’m surprised this didn’t fall over by the time it reached us, as it was delicately placed together with everything neatly piled high. What looked like something that would turn into an incredible mess, actually squashed down into something manageable, with plenty of juice squirting all over my strategically placed fries. The beef was a lot more tender than I expected and with 2 patties there was plenty of beefy flavour, with subtle hints of pickle and salty bacon coming through. The bun held up well for a while but had almost disappeared by the end.”

“Humburger feels a little more like more of a bar than a burger joint. Walking up to the counter the friendly staff look like hipster bartenders that will mix you a good drink, but surprisingly they are only interested in your burger order. The pattie was beautifully cooked and just crumbled in my mouth. The sweet bun was fresh and a delight to bite into. The other highlight was the exquisite bacon and the super runny cheese that reminded of the kind you’d get on a pizza. The burger was a little hard to manage but the payload is good, so persevere with the juice going down your hands and enjoy yourself.”

“This was a delicious start to 2014 for me. The first bite was initially soft and fluffy, but by the time I bit all the way in, I was chewing fresh crunchy pickles. The patties were cooked just a little bit pink and felt like the mince had been ground with a fine mincer – they were tightly bound, but it still worked for them. A nice sweeteness lingered during the meal; I can only imagine that the majority came from thee sauce and grilled onions. This is a very simple burger that’s really worth while. Best option in the area for sure.”

Blink and you might miss it. But, what you won’t miss in this small shop is their big range of burgers on offer. With enough bench space for 7-8 people and its very friendly service, they’ll make you want to eat in rather that take away. There’s a big emphasis on sourcing local produce and freshness, every burger is made to order with a real “Ma and Pa” feel; the hardest thing is picking what burger to go for. We went for the “Star Spangled Banner” burger with a 150g char grilled organic beef pattie, double tasty cheese, pickle, lettuce, tomato sauce, American mustard and 1000 island mayo.

“I’m always a little dubious when a venue claims to be “Australia’s Greatest Burger”. Even moreso when it’s newly opened and there isn’t a single other customer in site. This burger definitely wasn’t breaking any rules, with your stock standard ingredients all in small portions, leaving only subtle hints of flavour that combined to create a very non-memorable burger. The bun was rather doughy and the beef had been cooked right through, the only saving grace was the combination of three sauces.”

“This was a nice and easy to manage burger. The pattie was a perfect thickness with the right amount of juice and beautifully covered by a healthy amount of double cheese. I always like having options of altering my burger, unfortunately it wasn’t on how my meat should be cooked, but what bun I would like to go with: multigrain or a white bun, I went for the white bun. Pickles were good and not too much lettuce. Chips were ok.”

“There were no immediate signs of terrificness when I saw the burger. But the first bite in and a whole lot of charred flavour took over. That’s about where things started and ended. Every bite that followed was rather polite and safe. The most positive thing the burger had going for it was the sauce combo: never had a I thought of mixing mustard, ketchup and thousand island. it took the edge of the mustard and gave a nice sweet zing. I get that the area is filled with international students, and a sign saying “Australia’s greatest hamburger” is probably going to spark their interest. But c’mon guy, give us a break.”