When you’ve been out all night and drank one too many Moritzs, the last thing you’re going to want is many tiny Spanish plates. Thanks to the festive Catalan and tourists-alike, a late night burger joint is always going to flourish. Pim Pam (English translation: “Pim Pam”) has been overwhelmed with customers ever since opening their doors in 2006. In fact, their parent restaurant, Pim Pam Plats, who were known for serving deli style eats as well as their trademark hamburger, had to create a dedicated burger restaurant to cope with the demand. Calling themselves the benchmark of Barcelona, the guys pride themselves on their version of slow-cooked fast food, calling it Fast Good, using only the freshest ingredients from local markets. They offer a range of burger options that either come with a beef and pork, veal, chicken or veggie pattie. I decided to try their Pim Pam Completa burger that came on a traditional burger bun with a 150g beef and pork pattie (you can upgrade to 200g if the mood should strike you), lettuce, tomato, onion, gherkin, cheese, egg, bacon and special sauce.

“I was gladly led here by my brother from another mother because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have found it on my own. After a bit of a walk through the narrow Barcelona streets and stepping into the cramped little shop I was ready to engulf a big, bad hamburger. Every bite reminded me of Mother Z’s hamburger patties: rather course, rissoley mince and with chopped onion and parsley throughout. The pork and beef combo didn’t really do it for me, but I knew it’d be fattier and more flavoursome than the veal patties that these guys offer (supposedly this is very common in Spain.) It was a bit of an ordeal to get the whole thing down as it had plenty of slide; I’m pretty sure the litre of sauce I saw the guy behind the counter applying was the culprit. I did enjoy it but it wasn’t amazing. If I’m ever back I think I’d like to try the other burgers here. There’s one with three cheeses on it that sounds like a perfect way to kick-start a siesta.”

Occupying a small corner shop in a sleepy pocket of Caulfield, Tuck Shop Take Away blends in seamlessly with it’s surroundings and could very easily go unnoticed. However, the line of people out the door is hard to miss. The husband and wife duo, with a resumé between them that includes Fat Duck, Attica and Vue Du Monde, may explain the queues and hype as they offer their version of the local shop of yesteryear. Once inside, everything should look familiar as they’ve decked it out full of retro and nostalgic items and, the familiarity continues on the menu full of burgers, jaffles, shakes and sweets. We waited patiently and ordered a Minor burger that comes with a 100% beef pattie, served pink on the inside, lettuce, tomato, American cheese, onion, pickles and Tuck Shop sauce.

“All the signs of a good burger were there before even seeing one; a big line of people who aren’t grumpy is always a good indication. The anticipation escalated quickly when I saw the guy moulding the beef patties fresh right before our eyes and the confirmation came the moment I unwrapped my burger and took my first bite. Everything was in perfect proportion, resulting in a delicious bite each and every time. The beef had a great amount of flavour and juice trapped inside, with the saltiness combining well with the cheese and salad. The bun wasn’t as sweet as your typical brioche bun, which I prefer, however still soft but dense enough to remain intact until the end. We ordered way too many chips and ashamed that I hadn’t done any exercise that day, unfortunately left some behind.”

“When I think Tuck Shop I’m always taken back to the days of school where Four’n Twenty pies, chico rolls and sausage rolls dominated kids greasy hands on the playground. The concept of a burger in the school tuckshop was just big filling buns with a flat, under seasoned, over cooked square pattie topped off with Rosella sauce and Kraft cheese squares. This burger is still very humble in its presentation and ingredients with nothing lavish, but made with so much care and precision that every element in there serves a great purpose. I loved pausing between bites, grabbing a hand full of the most saltiest fries and throwing them down my gob. That balance of tang and salt in my mouth was take-away heaven indeed.”

“Over the years I have eaten my fair share of burgers and this first bite has been one of the best. A cheersquad full of softness, juiciness and tangy mustard cartwheeled up to my tastebuds and introduced themselves. As much as I enjoyed those first couple of chews I was hoping that there’d be more boldness to the experience; more lingering flavours rather than fleeting. Being so light and so tasty this makes this a great choice for a lunchtime burger.”

Since 2011 this place has been known as The Woods of Windsor and has had a reputation on Chapel St for its whisky menu and knowledgeable bartending staff. In recent months they’ve tweaked their agenda slightly, untucked their shirts and gone a little more casual. They’re still producing great food to compliment the smoky/woody characteristics of whisky (you can’t argue that meatballs and burgers don’t go with whisky), but they now call themselves The Woods Bar & Kitchen. Co-owned by the same people that brought you Yellowbird just down the road, these whisky and music connoisseurs know when a good thing is working. As if we needed an excuse to go to a bar we sat down and ordered some drinks and the Gippsland Beef Burger that came with a BLT garnish, tomato relish, tasty cheese and hand cut fries.

“This thing came out all piping hot, fat and juicy and I may have forgotten to breath while inhaling it in record time. The beef was cooked right; enabling just enough time to form a nice char on each side while remaining a perfect colour of pink on the inside and whilst trapping in all the great juice. Atop the crumbly beef was a nicely contrasting salty rasher of bacon hidden under a pile of tasty cheese. The lettuce and tomato gave it a great crunch and the big fluffy bun did its best to keep everything under control. Lovely venue, great atmosphere, ideal for first/tinder dates as there is plenty of drinks to choose from and it’s very dark and everyone looks good under candlelight.”

“With no trace of superficialness that I’m normally accustomed to seeing in most Chapel Street bars/restaurants, I instantly fell in love with this place. It possessed a real sense of casualness with great table service and friendly staff. The burger had one of the most beautifully cooked, smokey patties I’ve had this year, combined with great melted cheese coverage and some tasty creamy mayo. What brought the whole burger together for me though was how simple it tasted, with no particular dominant flavours and how easy it was to bite into. The hand cut fries were good too. Would I go back? Been there twice already.”

“Boy did this have a decent kick of pepper to it. A burger this smokey and peppery would be a beautiful accompaniment to almost any alcoholic drink I could think off. It was a well crafted, beautifully balanced burger. The ingredients all complemented one another perfectly – so I thought I’d dissect them to see if there were any leaks on what appeared to be a pretty tight ship. After biting into a little bit of cheese here, a little bit beef there and picking at some pickle I realised they were all just as great individually as they were when working together. If I had to pick a favourite child here it’d be the cheese, with a beef a close second. The cheddar was salty, full bodied and tasted like gold for some apparent reason – all around awesome.”

Whenever you’re in a new country it’s always recommended to go and eat where the locals eat. Thanks to the burger craze hitting Poland over the last couple of years, at Warburger you’ll be right at home tucking into a hamburger side-by-side with genuine Polaks. The guys behind the burger wheeling kiosk were looking to provide locals with a decent alternative to the swamp of kebab shops across Poland. For owners Adam and Bartek, it was important to show the good-folk of Poland that a hamburger wasnt just a measley piece of minced meat between some bread. So they went about sourcing all local produce, baking their own buns and branching out into different styles of burgers including a range of gourmet twists on the classics, as well as a venison burger. The venue itself only has space for a handful of people, but on a warm day you won’t have a worry in the world because it’s surrounded by park benches and shady trees. Unlucky for me it was a rainy summer’s day so I sat under cover waiting for my Cheeseburger that came out on a buttermilk bun, with a 100% Polish beef pattie, Mimolette cheese, tomato, lettuce and red onion. Purely because I could, as I walked out I helped myself to one of their free apples available to the customers.

“Seeing the kiosk popping up out of a grassy, little reserve gave the whole establishment a kind of early day Shake Shack vibe. Locals told me that this place was pretty popular and the wait time might be over 40 minutes. However, lucky for me, with Polish holidays in full swing and rain coming in sideways I only waited 35 – and not because it was particularly busy. Once I got my burger and bit in I got a surprise; there was nothing fantastic about it! The pattie was nicely salted but I really only tasted any beefiness when I tried it on its own. The buttermilk bun was on the sweet side but still a nice change from brioche. Overall it was decent feed but if were to go back I’d be trying their seasonal or more experimental burgers.”

New York has Times Square, Gold Coast has Cavill Avenue and Warsaw has Nowy Swiat. It’s the place you’ll most likely end up as a tourist roaming the streets of Poland’s capital. No one would dare call it trashy because of it’s rich history that dates back to the late 1600′s, but it is the place to find tourists ready to spend. This means you’re rather spoilt for choice when it comes to deciding where to grab a bite, a beer or a babe. Lucky for the burger inclined folk Brooklyn Burgers and Wings provides them all (except babes, you’ll have to try and sweet talk the waitresses for that). Run by ex-pat American Alan Bohinski, BB&W serves up their signature recipes until the wee hours on a weekend and proudly notes that their patties are all minced on site and that their sauces are all Alan’s secret concoctions. After ordering at the bar I took a seat out front, watched the tourists and Polaks walk by and waited for my Brooklyn BBQ burger to arrive. It was served on a sesame seed bun with a 200g beef pattie, BBQ sauce, sweet-n-spicy grilled onions, crispy bacon, Mimolette cheese, lettuce, mayo and a side of coleslaw.

“First off, I didn’t really pay attention to the burger arriving because I was too busy thinking about proposing to my Polish waitress. After that foolishness left me I was again taken aback when I saw these two hand-shaped plastic bags sitting on my wooden plate. I figured this was one saucy experience, but what was wrong with a good old fashioned hose down afterwards? My first bite left me looking like Heath Ledger from Batman: I had Brooklyn/Texas BBQ sauce everywhere. Most of the time places flood a burger with condiments like they’re trying to hide something. But after a few bites and wiping my chin I realize realised these guys weren’t. The pattie was chunky, chopped coarse and cooked with a little bit of pink in the middle for that extra bit of softness. The bacon, onions and sauce were all a real pleasure too, giving me sweet, salty and spicy flavours with every bite. Even though I was covered head to toe in sauce and I didn’t really understand how this had anything to do with Brooklyn, this whole experience was brilliant.”

One late night with a few drinks under their belt, two friends Lawrence Gozlan and Paul Sanders decided that it was time for something a little different: Hamburgers + Zombies. The undead are everywhere these days – all over our televisions, costume parties, cemeteries and now with us as we sit down to lunch. Located just off the main stretch of busy Acland st, St Kilda, the guys have used the expert skills of street artist Andrew Bourke to spray the place head to tow in Evil Dead inspired graff. Feeling like a couple of zombies ourselves, we tore into their signature Zombie Burger that came with fire-grilled grass-fed beef, beer caramelized onions, melted American cheese, dill pickle, vine-ripened tomatoes, oakleaf lettuce, topped with American mustard, special ZB ketchup, signature ZB mayo all on a toasted brioche bun.

“Why try and re-invent the wheel when you can just imitate the best. This came out a spitting replica of Shake Shack, which isn’t a bad thing to aspire towards. As we all know looks aren’t everything, so I was pleasantly surprised with this super soft, juicy burger experience. The bun was light and fluffy but held up well against the juicy seasoned patty and copious amounts of sauce. The lettuce and tomato gave just a slight crunch and the Kraft single was melted oh so well. It’s not exactly Shake Shack but hey, you have to start somewhere.”

“This was a nice manageable burger that wasn’t too messy and kept things really simple. The highlights were definitely caramelised onions, the lettuce, cheese and of course the flame grilled pattie. Being a local I think I’ll put up with crowds of Irish backpackers and grab myself another. The chips were fresh cut and good.”

“This place smelt like a fad. I didn’t really get it. Sure zombies are awesome: give me baseball bat and a newspaper that reads “Undead Apocalypse” and I’ll be the first guy rushing the gates of the morgue with a smile on my face. All smoke and mirrors aside, the burger was decent. I really liked what the burger had going for it but the high quality beef pattie tasted like it was overloaded with Worcestershire sauce and that didn’t do it for me. I wanted it to be more beefy than saucy. This burger was good and I’m sure it will have plenty of return customers.”

Ever since December 2012, the rue du Faubourg Saint-Denis has seemed a little bit brighter. Next door to a fishmonger with a cluster of Broadway bulbs shines Paris-New York, a.k.a, PNY. In what may seem like an obviously awesome mix of cultures, PNY have embraced the best of both Paris and NYC, and turned it into their own swanky, hell-bent on quality hamburger joint. With the help of CUT Architects, this two story venue’s monochrome design takes cues from both iconic cities, even managing to subtly reference icons like Statue of Liberty and Eiffel Tower into their interior steel structure. Where it gets exciting is at the menu: they work closely with artisinal producers and get their hands on nothing but top-notch produce. This was made no more apparent than when I ordered the Vintage Cheeseburger. Its beef pattie is aged, chopped in house and comes from French Piebald cattle and the cheese is Somerset Cheddar, aged 18 months. These were served on a toasted brioche bun with pickles, Classic America sauce and a generous serving of fries.

“At first I sort of grumbled to myself about le service being slow. But when le burger came out I had forgotten all about it because this thing was swimming in glorious cheese. My first bite was incredible. Le cheese was quite bold and tended to linger with every mouthful. Le beef was just as tasty: it was fatty, salty and chopped nice and coarse. I’m normally am not a fan of mustard my burgers (must be part of what they call Classic America sauce) but this was really great – it didn’t over power anything. It was predictably French, cooly whispering that it was there and didn’t yell at me like most obnoxious American mustards do. I also couldn’t find a bad fry among the lot of them: so crispy on the outside and soft on the in that I wanted to eat them by the fistful. This was truly an outstanding Burger Adventure that I hope le other dudes get to tick off their list one day. Merci Paris-New York.”